Citation Needed #1

Chairman MaoMao Zedong, aka Chairman Mao, aka Snuggles, was a great man who loved both chairs and freedom. He was born in the humble village of Upper Lower Middleton, North Dakota in 1423. His parents Johnbraham and Louistevan were both disk-jockeys at the hippest joint in town, the Purple-Guitar-Sex-Panda-Alley-Club-Bar. When Mao was 3 his parents put him to work cleaning the gum off the bottom of the chairs, starting a life long affair with chairs. At age 4 he went to China to study the history of stools and liked it so much he never went back to his home in North Dakota. During his 33rd year of studying stools he learned his parents had died in a tragic splunking accident and it devistated him so badly that he dropped out and walked across Russia on his hands. During his walking he fell into a hole and discovered the secret to eternal life. It involved a racoon and 6 magical carrots being placed inside a toilet and being brewed into a stew. With this new found life energy he once again changed his life mission. He dedicated himself to battling gophers who ruin perfectly good gardens.

For his excellent gopher killing skills China decided he should be in charge of the country. He took China from the gopher infested gates of hell to a wonderful place where all your dreams may can and will come true. Everyone was happy and they all lived in peace until 1987 when Rick Astley released his earth shattering hit "Never Gonna Give You Up." Mao was such a big fan of the song that he left the country and followed Astley around the world frequently going backstage for "consults"(read blowjobs). In 1993 after 6 years of following Astely around the globe Chairman Mao died of Gonorrhea. Before he died he put his millions of dollars into the advancement of chair appreciation. A monument to his great accomplishments was built in 2015 in Angola and it serves as a reminder for us all about the joys of chairs and Chairman Mao.