Joe "Joe the Plumber" the Plumber. 
Joe the Plumber, or JTP as his enemies call him, was born on the sixth full moon after the first atomic bomb was tested. He is the last angry man, mostly due to being 18% weaponised plutonium. The only "useful" thing he ever did was threaten to ass rape Sarah Palin during the 2007 U.S. Presidential elections. After Palin denied JTP anal access he became an even angrier more radioactively mutated man. He toured the Baltic states spreading a message of baldness and proper drain maintenance. On a bird watching expedition to Turkey he had a plunger grafted to his arm for some reason. It helps him with his life long passion, unstopping clog shitters. 
Joe the Plumber, or JTP as his enemies call him, was born on the sixth full moon after the first atomic bomb was tested. He is the last angry man, mostly due to being 18% weaponised plutonium. The only "useful" thing he ever did was threaten to ass rape Sarah Palin during the 2007 U.S. Presidential elections. After Palin denied JTP anal access he became an even angrier more radioactively mutated man. He toured the Baltic states spreading a message of baldness and proper drain maintenance. On a bird watching expedition to Turkey he had a plunger grafted to his arm for some reason. It helps him with his life long passion, unstopping clog shitters. After finishing his mind expanding tour of the world he returned to the states and joined the most mind expanding orginization there is: the KKK. He used his political connections to meet with obama and say mean things to him. Later they had a rap battle and became good friends and lovers on the side. Obama made JTP the head of the department on internal fecal removal.
The end????
Al "Albert" Gore was created in 1986 when the internet was invented. He is a byproduct of all the toxic chemicals that the tubes of the internet create. Although he appears to be a human, he is really more of a sophisticated furbee that breathes fire(see above) and pretends to care about global warming. The first 8 years of his life he was housed in a shrub outside the White House. He used this time to become a master of the political arts and learn to play the fife.
After mastering the Fife he decided to become the master of the internet. It was a long and difficult journey but eventually he was succesful and became the end boss. As the end boss he was able to harness the full power of the interent and invent global warming so that everyone will be distracted on July 18th, 2011. This is the date when he plans to capture all of the penguins in the world and use them in his great sexual fantasy. Al Gore if fucked. Join us next week for more cutting edge reporting. 
Mao Zedong, aka Chairman Mao, aka Snuggles, was a great man who loved both chairs and freedom. He was born in the humble village of Upper Lower Middleton, North Dakota in 1423. His parents Johnbraham and Louistevan were both disk-jockeys at the hippest joint in town, the Purple-Guitar-Sex-Panda-Alley-Club-Bar. When Mao was 3 his parents put him to work cleaning the gum off the bottom of the chairs, starting a life long affair with chairs. At age 4 he went to China to study the history of stools and liked it so much he never went back to his home in North Dakota. During his 33rd year of studying stools he learned his parents had died in a tragic splunking accident and it devistated him so badly that he dropped out and walked across Russia on his hands. During his walking he fell into a hole and discovered the secret to eternal life. It involved a racoon and 6 magical carrots being placed inside a toilet and being brewed into a stew. With this new found life energy he once again changed his life mission. He dedicated himself to battling gophers who ruin perfectly good gardens.
